Enough with this torment of my soul. I almost losing it. I am giving up. I want to go back to Miri. How could I stay alive for another day and night like this. Last night I did not go back to the ‘not even my own’ room. I stay somewhere outside all the time. I slept at another ‘not even my own’ room. Although I sleep soundly. Unashamed. When I woke up this morning I immediately thought of airport and flight to Miri. I feel I don’t really care enough about what my life here have to offer. So tormenting and hurting to breath and to stay alive.
I have surveyed the flight. All I got was AirAsia flight midday tomorrow. at nearly 300 for just the fare. Means that the overall fare would be around near RM400. Just how much left in my wallet. I don’t think I will afford any MAS flight. I am really losing it. Plus I will need to pay for taxi.
Moreover I am living with minimal eating to save money. Almost fasting. Actually not much of cafeteria are open these days because it is Fasting Month. But still the longer I stay here the more meaningless wasting of money plus this affliction and distress. I can’t smell any happiness around at all. It is really DAYS WITHOUT MIRACLE.
I have been jokingly compared to a cat said my friend to me. I felt even cat is better than me at this very moment. Cat don’t have emotional breakdown at least. It will not feel ashamed. And they can sleep at any place even on the roof. But I can only sleep in somebody’s room. That somebody’s will surely not comfortable with my presence because I am already big enough to be pity.
Aaaaaaa….. I really want to go back…. khfapoiIU^*&7597tgtY*&%&ygO*gUHURFKUguytu… I am dead meat.