[The internet is awfully slow at the moment. It is excruciatingly pain waiting just to load Google page. It was never this slow before. I wonder Why…]
The least I did on Christmas day was attended Vigil mass, had a Christmas party and sleep the whole day on Christmas day. The whole day means really the whole day. I woke up during the night.
I realize something wrong with me. Due to long time of being left alone and solitary I guess I become so much of paranoid of my surrounding. I have become an anti-social and I really don’t like crowd and many peoples around me. It made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t really like to talk. I prefer to just listen and watch others talk. I can’t express what I feel but just keep everything to myself even I laugh from the inside… I already did so much damage to myself.
Christmas is around the corner. I have made my resolution. I determine to regain my faith. Honestly I am on the verge of Atheism. The desire to find Reason more than faith. Because there is no reason to be faithful. Faith is simply faith. Faith like a little children as Jesus said. It is hard to rationalize faith. That’s why God say it is not me who choose him but he choose who choose me. He chose me. Born in Christian family and raise to be a good Christian. And… to be faithful is to love unconditionally, without question. Rational mind cannot accept that because everything need to have reason but that’s how it is. Today I just want to mark the first step.
So what’s the first step all about?
The Christmas is around the corner. 10 Days precisely. I can’t really feel the season though because I am far from home. But I am still happy. Praying that blessing be upon whoever around me and of course blessing upon me. Christmas has become something “appeared” to be not as special anymore for my family. I can’t remember when did we last celebrate it together. I personally not around home when the season came. It is still the case this year. But still the Christmas spirit is still strong in my heart. The true meaning and the true triumph and celebration of Christmas.
Just for fun I tried this Blogthing’s Questions…What Christmas ornament Are you?
You Are an Angel
A truly giving soul, you understand the spirit of Christmas.
What Christmas Ornament Are You?
Merry Christmas and a happy new year to everybody.