I missed so many things…I’m so sorry…

“I don’t know what formula of success, but I certainly know what formula of failure…to please everybody”
-by I don’t remember who.

This few posts back, I’ve been writing about almost nothing. Some of them are just mere seasonal vibes and feelings. And that include this post.

I guess I have been too much pay my allegiance to the formula of failure which is to please everybody…except myself. Thus in the process I’ve been missing so many things that most of the time important for those I wanted to please. I feel bad because of it. Now I want to make a bit of paradigm shift inside of me, in other words a self reform.

It sounds nice to please everybody. It certainly sounds noble but the truth is it’s not. The more I want to please everyone around me, the more I will hurt them and much importantly I am the one who hurt the most. Why? Because “everyone/everybody” is just too many to cope with.

In analogy, it would be like a inquisitive little boy who wanted to learn and master everything under the sun and on the earth. Utterly unwise and crazy. Maybe the boy can master a few but let others handle the rest.

I missed so many things and I hurt so many peoples/friends/etc. I am sorry. I can’t be ‘more’ perfect (which made it sound like I am perfect). That’s why I always dream to be nobody. Because in this real world nobody is perfect.

To be honest, when I hurt somebody, and when I realized that they were hurt because of me, I was twice as hurt. No words can be uttered to portray my sorry.

Most of the time I care so much about feelings. I just want to ‘do what I want others to do to me’. That’s all. Most of the time I failed to hold to my own principle. Mistake is mistake and damage cannot be undone. Like a saying “A man has no nature, a man only has history”.

Now I would like to try only master a few rather than everything. I can’t save the world but maybe I can save a few soul. Not trying to please everyone but try a more balance approach. Accept that hurting others is inevitable and be hurt is normal.

I admit, my writing is cryptic than ever. Sometime understanding is not to grasp the meaning but just to hold the feeling. What I mean sometime is not important. However I really want to convey my feeling.

For those who know me in the real life, I really hope that you would understand my writing especially those who have been unintentionally hurt by my stupid words or actions. For blog mates I hope my comments and postings are appropriate. If not I am sorry.

I am apologetic. Most people hate apologetic person. I hate part of my apologetic personality but sometimes I appreciate it. I believe that humble is not lack of pride but humility is ability to admit self mistakes (made me sounds like I am humble) and to boast that I am humble is not humble at all.

Postscript : I have deleted my Friendster and Facebook accounts, I don’t feel they’re useful anymore. They’re just made me hurt. I still can be found in so many place in the internet i.e. Google, Gmail, Yahoo Mail, Yahoo messenger, and WordPress. Or just call me or sms me. (Sigh…it’s not like so many friends will find me. So much of one sided friendship. Go to hell…Sigh.To hurt is normal right…?)

 

 

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18 responses to “I missed so many things…I’m so sorry…

  • mar

    Wah…so stress sampai delete fstr/FB?
    chill… πŸ˜‰

  • drumsticks

    Hey Elvinado, you look very familiar. Like have seen you before somewhere. Hmm.. pleasing others is ok but guess if we please others to the extent of sacrificing our belief and principles then we’ll be very unhappy. Also i think its just an act of habit, the more you can say no to others, the easier it gets, and you’ll not feel uncomfortable or guilty anymore. On the contrary, you might just feel like you’re able to control and be aware of yourself. πŸ™‚ Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this. Haha, to hurt is normal. Yeah!! Sometimes we think we are helping and pleasing and making others happy but then, we are actually making them sadder and more unhappy. haha.. just live your own life, with your own set of principle and belief. πŸ™‚ Cheers!!

  • ingchia

    Well, I think it’s better to please yourself, instead of pleasing people around you. Don’t let anyone hold your happiness in their hands. Hold it in yours, so that it’ll always be within your reach.

    Somehow, I understand how you feel (hope you’re feeling better tho). Cheer up, don’t let bad moments overcome you k. Remember, there’s always sunshine after the rain. Just be patient, they’ll eventually pass. Sometimes, when plans or dreams fall short of your hopes, it’s not the end of the world. Throughout the journey, you might learn something new, discover more about yourself or about life. See, you’ve actually progressed!! (^^)9

    Don’t hesitate to reach out for help ya, I’ll be the listener. πŸ™‚

  • Lynnwei

    hey…dont keep living in the past, u know what u did wrong so dont do it again. live to the fullest now…so when u look back next time, u wont regret!

    and u’re not alone, k!

  • rizalo

    patutle kawan dalam friendster aku berkurang…

  • MissiRina

    Elvin,

    Just want to add my 2 cents worth.. What you said about pleasing others and all, that rings a bell with me.. Yes, in life, some of us will try to do everything, and anything in their power to please everyone around them.. I did that too, and what I found out is that, in the end, you’ll not feel better, but you feel burdened.. When people are always looking to you to make them feel better, so much that they forget we *do* have problems ourself. So, I think, what’s best is that try to find a balance between pleasing others and yourself. Help others, but not so much that you’ll just let your own problems pull you down.. Try to open up to people you trust, and you might feel better.

    =)

    Anyway, hope you’ll feel better soon.. All the best in life! And although we never met in real life, your comments and words strike a chord within me, and they are true, not sugar-coated just to make me feel better. So, thanks friend. =) Good luck!

  • en_me

    i never deleted my friendster, i keep them even i sudah x update friendster lagik.. just incase kalo2 ader kawan2 lamer nk contact me balik.. uhuhu

  • patt irmina

    alvin, lama x update here?

  • Lynnwei

    hey! i’ve changed my blog name to – Eternity

    ahaha…how have u been? no updates…are u wokring on ur new blog?

  • patt irmina

    hey, its ur bday…ur not gonna announce ur new blog yet? i’ve been waiting..hehehe

    Anyway, again.
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALVIN…

    I’m writing this on 12 apr, 12.07am..I guess tht means BELATED Birthday.
    *cheers!*

  • eMiKo

    it ok..
    like u said,nobody is perfect…
    people makes mistakes….
    its ok to feel bad/sad..
    it means that you have sumthing to loose…

  • glaize

    Yes, to please every living soul is such an ordeal but hey, at least by now, you should know who’s worth pleasing. Just put yourself a little bit in the first place first. Being apologetic sometimes is annoying (I know because I am such a person myself) but it does somehow show that you do actually care, a bit more than you should but it’s not all wrong.

    Yes, getting hurt is normal but Life’s a classroom and Hurt is one of the teachers you’d learn much from. May your friends understand you and your words.

    πŸ™‚ I’ll check on your new photoblog soon πŸ™‚

  • rizalo

    missed the time we apologized each other for almost everything…now i realized not so many people do that

  • Lynnwei

    hey hey….it’s been a while….have u been busy? aha..just want to let you know, i’ve moved my blog…. come visit when u are free!!!

    ^^

  • fila

    you wanna be nobody?
    But ‘nobody’ IS PERFECT though..
    Well, as an old friend, you just sounds like Alvin I knew before.
    However, people change. People change with the environment and the community around..
    Cheer up dude. The days is not end yet..
    Wah..lupak lah aku mok wish befday ko ari ya.
    Anyway aku memang igt befday ko perfectly~ 11th april..Sama ngn befday awis..Well,bila gk mok update blog… You are really talented in writing..Your writing is really honest.Keep up on writing dude. being apologetic is better than keeping a grudge in yourself.. πŸ™‚

  • lola

    alvin must be super busy. gosh, u have abandoned your blog for months boy.

  • CypherHackz

    Maybe this is out of topic but what is the youtube channel that you watched about a girl that talk about her life and her point of view?

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