Waiting

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“Penungguan suatu penyeksaan”

 

Is it? Is waiting really a torture? Is the feeling of anxiety, the feeling of wanting to know what will happen after the waiting is really a tormenting experience?

Waiting in some cases is called procrastination (just my opinion). Every time we procrastinate, we need to wait a bit. I particularly very good at this. I postpone everything. Although I hate to wait but I love to postpone things. Example, cleaning the dishes, writing blogs, renew car license and so forth.

Besides that, I always wait. I wait for the price to fall before I buy a laptop. I wait for my birthday to launch my new blog. I wait until I really feel very hungry before I actually have my meal. I wait for everything. I am born waiting for sometimes somethings that I am not sure of.

What am I currently waiting?

  1. Waiting for a proper date for my new blog launch.
  2. Waiting for wordpress 2.5 for my new blog.
  3. Waiting for my allowance.
  4. Waiting for my research Grant to be approved.
  5. Waiting for enough money before I buy a DSLR.
  6. Waiting as in “If you love someone set her free, if she comes back…”

I am not sure whether waiting is really a torment. Sometimes I feel that I don’t want to face what I wait for. Example although I always wait for my graduation maybe in the next 2 years but I wish the time will go very slow. I am too afraid that I can’t finish on time and I am too afraid of the notion of going outside this comfort university zone.

I always wait to return to my hometown, but then I always postpone because I am too afraid to know that I need to leave again after returned.

I hate weekend because it marks the end of the week which usually I failed to accomplished anything. I always wish a week goes on and on until I finished my works. Although I always wait for weekend because weekend is always fun.

I usually woke early in the morning around 3 a.m or sometimes earlier. I wait for the daybreak but I always wish the night goes on and on because every day a new problem arise and yesterday’s problem is yet unsolved.

I live in contradictory of myself. I am fighting within myself. I am waiting but in the same time I postpone what I wait. Then I wait for what I postpone. I want to live forever but in the same time I want to die right now.

I am actually too afraid of everything. I am paranoid. (Not yet delusional and far from schizophrenic) Too afraid of prospect of losing what I wait for.

I always thought that I should let go. But it isn’t easy. Yes to hope is easy but to let go, is something too hard to do.

This is purely a rambling in the morning writing about what I feel right now.

Am I on a wise man path or on a fool’s errand?

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My whole life waiting…

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4 responses to “Waiting

  • Patt Irmina

    aww..that’s little alvin in the picture right..come here, mok cubit2 pp! hehe..thanks for the good luck wish alvin. well, waiting is a pain for me, but no one is to blame but our own selves for the procrastinations. all the best. huff, lamak dh x leave a comment on ur blog.

    and ur going to launch a new blog?? well, i’ll wait for ur birthday.=)

  • maika

    hmnm.. I hate waiting too.. waiting is just another agony from hell. And now I am waiting for 2 -4 months for my car to arrive.. sigh..

  • mar

    waiting is never easy…yet letting go is even harder…*refer to your number 6*

  • glaize

    To wait is such an ordeal and you could never tell if it’s worth it or not until the end results unfold. Well…that depends on what you’re waiting for actually. 🙂

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