First Step

Christmas is around the corner. I have made my resolution. I determine to regain my faith. Honestly I am on the verge of Atheism. The desire to find Reason more than faith. Because there is no reason to be faithful. Faith is simply faith. Faith like a little children as Jesus said. It is hard to rationalize faith. That’s why God say it is not me who choose him but he choose who choose me. He chose me. Born in Christian family and raise to be a good Christian. And… to be faithful is to love unconditionally, without question. Rational mind cannot accept that because everything need to have reason but that’s how it is. Today I just want to mark the first step.

So what’s the first step all about?

Today I went to choir practice at the local church. Precisely Skudai Catholic Center (SCC). Why was it so special? I can’t remember when was the last time I step my foot there. I went to church a long time ago. I abandoned it for quite a while. About almost 2 years. A painful years without Sunday Mass. I even forgot how to pray Rosary which I almost memorize once. The only time I prayed was before meal.

I know that I won’t be able to see religion and church the same ever again. But at least I made a move. Because the glory of God is all I am about. What I am doing, why I do things, for example why I sought for science and knowledge.

It was a simple choir practice. There were 7 of us. 4 of familiar face and the others were quite not. I left GIFT for a long time indeed. GIFT Grow In Faith Together was the body that gather campus students to the church. For some uncertain reason I left GIFT before.

It will be another practice tomorrow afternoon at 2. It will be a vigil mass tomorrow at 10.

I guess I will not be alone this Christmas as I expect. What ever it is Happiness isn’t for others to decide beside myself.

So Happy Christmas Alvin. Even in my solitary or in crowd of faithful. I will still be happy. Looks like another year without someone I properly “Love”. Who knows I found one on this “rainy Christmas”(no white Christmas here).

Hope that no disaster will strike this Christmas. Hope that everybody will found peace in what ever they doing and not doing. Everybody means everybody in the world.

So. Happy Christmas and A Happy New Years


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