I just could not close my eyes. I had enough sleep but it was still too early. I couldn’t help but to think about a lot of things. Random things that don’t really matter. I tried all possible way to put my pillow. Ended up thinking about the pillow itself. Even thinking of what the pillow is made of. I just getting more and more active through the night. I haven’t had coffee for a long time. One of the reason I don’t need them to be stay awake during the night. However I always sleep when the sun comes out. That’s what I hate. Then I came out from my room and went to the living room (the hostel actually have a living room) and turn on the TV and watch it till daybreak. I thought of going to the lab early in the morning but then I slept till noon.
During the sleepless night I thought of precious things in our life. Things that we never bother because there are common in our daily. We or I better put it as I (don’t want to drag you in) will realize they actually important only when I deprived from them.
It was the pillow that bring me to this thinking. I bought a new pillow a few days ago. It was probably months since I last slept with a pillow under my head. I might even forget how its feel. So I realize that pillow was once an ordinary daily thing that I never have a glance on, now getting my attention because I know what it feel to be sleeping without one. It’s not a nice sensation to be honest. Always having neck and shoulder pain waking up in the morning. I just realize that when I am deprived from it.
Another thing that I don’t currently have is a pair of sandal. I am wearing shoes all the time. Now I realize that they are pieces of simple but precious things.
I can’t help but to thing further than what I ever experience. I start with simple things like soap, my pair of glasses, hand phone, and many other miscellaneous.
Even further, how about losing a person we love. Who we never care to say hello before. We realize it only when its too late. Losing a person is not like losing a pillow. The value and the preciousness only shows up at the point of losing the thing.
My daily life sometimes filled with unnecessary obsession. Of course its inappropriate to obsess with pillow. I mean obsession of some far unreachable thing that does not belong to us. Obsession of things that I know I don’t own them. For example… I don’t want to say them. But basically it’s like that.
Even sometime I don’t realize the most fundamental thing about myself that is important. The fact that I am well being. Breathing, talking, walking, and doing lots of stuff healthily or in other words being alive. This ability to think and to express is actually so precious. I can’t imagine and I don’t want to imagine losing this ability.
However self obsession is another story. In the nutshell, it is a good thing to reevaluate what’s important and what’s not in our life. In the same time obsession can bring us down.
Lastly, this is a short clip showing the Gollum that was once call Smeagol. He was a fine person until he found his crazy obsession of the Ring.