Days Without Miracle

“I don’t know what formula of success, but I certainly know what formula of failure…to please everybody”
-by I don’t remember who.

This few posts back, I’ve been writing about almost nothing. Some of them are just mere seasonal vibes and feelings. And that include this post.

I guess I have been too much pay my allegiance to the formula of failure which is to please everybody…except myself. Thus in the process I’ve been missing so many things that most of the time important for those I wanted to please. I feel bad because of it. Now I want to make a bit of paradigm shift inside of me, in other words a self reform.

It sounds nice to please everybody. It certainly sounds noble but the truth is it’s not. The more I want to please everyone around me, the more I will hurt them and much importantly I am the one who hurt the most. Why? Because “everyone/everybody” is just too many to cope with.

In analogy, it would be like a inquisitive little boy who wanted to learn and master everything under the sun and on the earth. Utterly unwise and crazy. Maybe the boy can master a few but let others handle the rest.

I missed so many things and I hurt so many peoples/friends/etc. I am sorry. I can’t be ‘more’ perfect (which made it sound like I am perfect). That’s why I always dream to be nobody. Because in this real world nobody is perfect.

To be honest, when I hurt somebody, and when I realized that they were hurt because of me, I was twice as hurt. No words can be uttered to portray my sorry.

Most of the time I care so much about feelings. I just want to ‘do what I want others to do to me’. That’s all. Most of the time I failed to hold to my own principle. Mistake is mistake and damage cannot be undone. Like a saying “A man has no nature, a man only has history”.

Now I would like to try only master a few rather than everything. I can’t save the world but maybe I can save a few soul. Not trying to please everyone but try a more balance approach. Accept that hurting others is inevitable and be hurt is normal.

I admit, my writing is cryptic than ever. Sometime understanding is not to grasp the meaning but just to hold the feeling. What I mean sometime is not important. However I really want to convey my feeling.

For those who know me in the real life, I really hope that you would understand my writing especially those who have been unintentionally hurt by my stupid words or actions. For blog mates I hope my comments and postings are appropriate. If not I am sorry.

I am apologetic. Most people hate apologetic person. I hate part of my apologetic personality but sometimes I appreciate it. I believe that humble is not lack of pride but humility is ability to admit self mistakes (made me sounds like I am humble) and to boast that I am humble is not humble at all.

Postscript : I have deleted my Friendster and Facebook accounts, I don’t feel they’re useful anymore. They’re just made me hurt. I still can be found in so many place in the internet i.e. Google, Gmail, Yahoo Mail, Yahoo messenger, and WordPress. Or just call me or sms me. (Sigh…it’s not like so many friends will find me. So much of one sided friendship. Go to hell…Sigh.To hurt is normal right…?)

An appreciation of friendship that I share throughout my lifetime. I hope all my friends will still remember me even after I’m gone. Maybe some pictures of my best friends missing but I always remember you all. UTM, NREB, MRSM Kuching, Kolej TDTHB and all places I have ever been and stayed. Forgive my forgetfulness. I ask for forgiveness for everything I’ve done wrong. I always wish I was a better person. Most of all I love you all…

(Thanks also to Canon Ixus 60, Photoshop CS3, ACDSee 8, Sony Vegas 6, Quicktime Pro, and all friends that helped me for the photos and time-lapse)

If you got questions how I did this video, I would glad to answer as I best as I could….

I’m really not blogging these few days even though my drafts are piling up, every time I started a post I failed to end it. It ended become ever Draft in my wordpress. So wait another few days for me to do the tag asked by Lynnwei and some other stuff such as Vector tutorial part 3. I am about to turn off my laptop because it has been on of quite long hours and I want to let it sleep for a while.

But I want to show few photos I took yesterday.

A picture worth few words…(thousands words)…My ghost is haunting myself…

And another one…

It’s me doing Rasengan (from Naruto)…

Please note that those pictures are for real…no photoshop involved.

Also Please Visit My photoblog…

And I am really sorry for not visiting blogs these few days…

Few days ago I saw this ’stand out of crowd’ tree. It was the only tree around that full of flowers…and it’s pink! So I decide to take a few picture of the tree for my photoblog. Both photos that I posted here are a bit washed-out because I took the picture in hard mid day sunlight just now on my way back from cafeteria for lunch. So I gave a slight Photoshop touch to make them look better.

For more pictures please visit my Photoblog “Light Rhetoric” and I am glad to have you comment on my photo and photography.

Thanks.

Imagine…1 Year Later20 March 2009…

Person A : Do you watch TV yesterday night?
Person B : Watch what? Do you mean News?
Person A : Yes of course what else? It was a bad accident at Place A yesterday afternoon. And the traffic jam was so terrible.
Person B : Mmmm. Do you believe what they’re saying? I bet they asked some peoples to act the accident and made the headlines. Just to make us afraid to drive fast…
Person A : Yes, I even doubt the News. Its looked too fabricated. By the way I have been lost faith to TV long time ago.
Person B : All of them are all just mere liars!!!

Can you imagine what am I implying? Do you watch TV (I mean Malaysian TV) nowadays? Do you believe anything what they say? Can we still hope for TV to tell truth for us?

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Everyday with this Fuzzy Set Fuzzy Logic and Fuzzy Method my sight get fuzzy and fuzzier. Lots of papers and I can’t figure out what am I going to do, still. I am suppose to be a chemist yet reading so much of this mathematics. No one asked me to but I need to because I am doing computation. Which until now still at zero.

Oh papers…lots of papers…I love you all but how to choose you all? I am so lucky and grateful that I decided to buy a Laser Printer and sacrifice color printing a few years ago. Now I can print all I want without thinking so much about ink.

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I really love her songs…she has an angelic voice. Beautiful half Japanese. And her first release will be April. You might like her too. One really magnificent YouTube product…

Here’s “Say It Again” by Marié Digby

(Complete Lyric)

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“Penungguan suatu penyeksaan”

Is it? Is waiting really a torture? Is the feeling of anxiety, the feeling of wanting to know what will happen after the waiting is really a tormenting experience?

Waiting in some cases is called procrastination (just my opinion). Every time we procrastinate, we need to wait a bit. I particularly very good at this. I postpone everything. Although I hate to wait but I love to postpone things. Example, cleaning the dishes, writing blogs, renew car license and so forth.

Besides that, I always wait. I wait for the price to fall before I buy a laptop. I wait for my birthday to launch my new blog. I wait until I really feel very hungry before I actually have my meal. I wait for everything. I am born waiting for sometimes somethings that I am not sure of.

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(Continuation from Part 1)

In this part I will show my basic arrangement of layers or Layer Order. This layer order is my unique way of getting the vector done that I developed via experiences. However these will be just my tips so don’t ever limit your creativity.

Illustrator as well as Photoshop use Layers to manage images. Thus to think in layers is important in imagining and managing our project. In time “thinking” and “conceptualizing” will get easier.

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This is my new photoblog which I published using an interesting tool call Pixelpost. Pixelpost is a script like WordPress but only specialize for photoblogging. So we won’t find a complete blogging features like in WordPress. I love it the first I found it few weeks ago. And now I own my own photoblog.

If anybody wish to have a blog only for pictures, this is an absolutely appropriate tool.

Installation was very easy. First create database, then just run the installation script. It was so easy unless problem occur during database creation.

I did mention about database did I? Only for those who bought hosting can setup database. Which means I already have my own hosting. However Days Without Miracle is still alive well here just waiting a few days for official closing.

My new domain, I think you can figure out yourself. I won’t officially announce it until the new blog is launch.

The fate of Days Without Miracle? I guess when it’s first year birthday, it will found it’s oblivion(Is the word is too cruel?). But till then, I still have a few unfinished business here at DWM. So please stay with me.